You hear it all the time. "Don't get into a rebound relationship, you'll only get hurt."
People say rebound relationships are doomed to failure because the one just coming out of the relationship is not really all that interested in the other... they are just grabbing the next available girl so they aren't so lonely. But really, they're still pining for their ex.
But isn't there anything you can do about this? Does it automatically mean that none of these relationships are ever going to go anywhere?
Perhaps.
It all depends on how you see things. Are you the type who believes that you can win from life whatever it is you desire? Or are you one of the hopeless souls who accepts whatever life throws at you?
Because when you do find yourself on the short end of the stick... you're actually in a far better position to turn the relationship into something serious than you might think.
Here's the usual story...
Jane meets Tom, they hit it off and go on a few dates.
But Tom is still heartbroken about Mary, who broke up with him just two weeks ago, and of course, this worries Jane because she has seen this play out before. She goes out with a guy for a few weeks and then BAM! It's all... "Sorry, but I guess I was just never really over (so-and-so). It's been fun. See ya."
What does Jane do? What does any woman do when they sense competition?
She gets a bit jealous. It's obvious that Tom and Mary have shared so much more emotionally already than she and Tom.
This makes her instantly more needy, more possessive of Tom's time. And in most cases she reacts negatively, even angrily, any time Mary is mentioned.
Lets step back and look at this for a moment.
In this scenario Jane is in fact doing everything right... if she wants to push Tom right back into the arms of his ex.
It doesn't have to play out like that though.
Sure, it may be true that Tom rushed into the relationship out of hurt and loneliness. But that doesn't matter as much as you might think. The only thing that really matters is the attraction he feels right now.
You can assume, if you're the Jane in this situation that there will come a time when Mary will try to steal your man. It's simply human nature. It's how you react to this that makes all the difference in the world.
We've got Tom here, who, as a guy is used to competing for the attention of a woman such as yourself. All of a sudden he finds himself the object of a certain kind of 'bidding war' between you and his ex (who he does still have feelings for).
And you are going into this war with several significant disadvantages, including: less shared experiences, less emotional connection, and the fact that so far you have not used the take-away strategy, whereas Mary has.
However, if you're smart you can come out a winner. And here's how you do it:
First, don't dive head first into the shallow end of the pool. Meaning don't show too much emotional commitment too early on. As soon as Tom gets a sense that he's caught you, and you've been 'conquered' you're chances go way down.
Keep your cool. Make him work some for your affection.
And if the subject of his ex comes up, handle it like so. Rather than getting jealous, and rather than being an emotional sponge for him. Simply remove your affection and approval whenever he brings it up. Pull back emotionally.
He has to get a sense that if he screws up, you won't hesitate to walk away. (And back it up through your actions.)
Now for the secret weapon, that can sway almost any man in the entire world...
The unknown 'secret combo' which will make any man think of you as a goddess... (truly)
Do these two things, and any competition from his ex will melt away like snow on a sunny spring morning.
1. Hold your tongue. Keep any criticisms or complaints to yourself. Easy to say, hard to do right? But this works like magic, especially when you are competing against that damn Mary...
2. Show appreciation regularly. So few women get this, that those who do literally hold and shape men like putty in their hands. What every guy wants from his woman is to feel desired physically. His greatest wish is to be physically appreciated and desired by the woman in his life.
But don't just show your appreciation. Tell him too. (Us guys simply do not pick up on things like feelings and stuff - most of the time - unless you flat out tell us.)
So compliments, and telling him how much you appreciate his (manly trait here) go a long, long way. Especially when you combine this with the lack of criticism and complaint.
Well that's it. I've literally given you the keys to the kingdom of rebound relationships. Use it wisely, and you can win the inevitable battle with the ex.
People say rebound relationships are doomed to failure because the one just coming out of the relationship is not really all that interested in the other... they are just grabbing the next available girl so they aren't so lonely. But really, they're still pining for their ex.
But isn't there anything you can do about this? Does it automatically mean that none of these relationships are ever going to go anywhere?
Perhaps.
It all depends on how you see things. Are you the type who believes that you can win from life whatever it is you desire? Or are you one of the hopeless souls who accepts whatever life throws at you?
Because when you do find yourself on the short end of the stick... you're actually in a far better position to turn the relationship into something serious than you might think.
Here's the usual story...
Jane meets Tom, they hit it off and go on a few dates.
But Tom is still heartbroken about Mary, who broke up with him just two weeks ago, and of course, this worries Jane because she has seen this play out before. She goes out with a guy for a few weeks and then BAM! It's all... "Sorry, but I guess I was just never really over (so-and-so). It's been fun. See ya."
What does Jane do? What does any woman do when they sense competition?
She gets a bit jealous. It's obvious that Tom and Mary have shared so much more emotionally already than she and Tom.
This makes her instantly more needy, more possessive of Tom's time. And in most cases she reacts negatively, even angrily, any time Mary is mentioned.
Lets step back and look at this for a moment.
In this scenario Jane is in fact doing everything right... if she wants to push Tom right back into the arms of his ex.
It doesn't have to play out like that though.
Sure, it may be true that Tom rushed into the relationship out of hurt and loneliness. But that doesn't matter as much as you might think. The only thing that really matters is the attraction he feels right now.
You can assume, if you're the Jane in this situation that there will come a time when Mary will try to steal your man. It's simply human nature. It's how you react to this that makes all the difference in the world.
We've got Tom here, who, as a guy is used to competing for the attention of a woman such as yourself. All of a sudden he finds himself the object of a certain kind of 'bidding war' between you and his ex (who he does still have feelings for).
And you are going into this war with several significant disadvantages, including: less shared experiences, less emotional connection, and the fact that so far you have not used the take-away strategy, whereas Mary has.
However, if you're smart you can come out a winner. And here's how you do it:
First, don't dive head first into the shallow end of the pool. Meaning don't show too much emotional commitment too early on. As soon as Tom gets a sense that he's caught you, and you've been 'conquered' you're chances go way down.
Keep your cool. Make him work some for your affection.
And if the subject of his ex comes up, handle it like so. Rather than getting jealous, and rather than being an emotional sponge for him. Simply remove your affection and approval whenever he brings it up. Pull back emotionally.
He has to get a sense that if he screws up, you won't hesitate to walk away. (And back it up through your actions.)
Now for the secret weapon, that can sway almost any man in the entire world...
The unknown 'secret combo' which will make any man think of you as a goddess... (truly)
Do these two things, and any competition from his ex will melt away like snow on a sunny spring morning.
1. Hold your tongue. Keep any criticisms or complaints to yourself. Easy to say, hard to do right? But this works like magic, especially when you are competing against that damn Mary...
2. Show appreciation regularly. So few women get this, that those who do literally hold and shape men like putty in their hands. What every guy wants from his woman is to feel desired physically. His greatest wish is to be physically appreciated and desired by the woman in his life.
But don't just show your appreciation. Tell him too. (Us guys simply do not pick up on things like feelings and stuff - most of the time - unless you flat out tell us.)
So compliments, and telling him how much you appreciate his (manly trait here) go a long, long way. Especially when you combine this with the lack of criticism and complaint.
Well that's it. I've literally given you the keys to the kingdom of rebound relationships. Use it wisely, and you can win the inevitable battle with the ex.
By Bert Gardner.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6847926
No comments:
Post a Comment